no.49 - The Jeep Jerk

As I returned from picking up cold medicine and coffee for my wife this morning, I crossed the street and the path of an idiot. The walk signal was with me but despite this, a thin, weasel-like jerk in a jeep decided to drive around the first stopped car and try to run through the red light. No doubt he had an Very Important Day.

Unfortunately I was in his way. He glared at me. I glared back. Then, of course, he said what men like him always say:

"You got a problem?"

I did have a problem and the problem was him and his ilk. (His ilk irk me). But I failed to solve this problem. My lizard brain took over and I informed him he was an asshole. This headed us down an inevitable and unproductive path.

He opened his thin jeep door, perhaps so I could get a better look at his sour face and cheap tie.

"You want to start something?"

*sigh* Apparently I already had started something by walking across the street. I explained to him that he was being a dick.

"I should shoot you," he hissed.

"Go ahead," I answered, assuming he did not have a gun. I kicked his door closed. It was a good, solid kick. It felt satisfying. I kicked the door again for good measure, but I was failing to make any point because my behavior was as pointless as his.

He scrambled to respond but I did not see what happened next because I turned and walked away, pretending to be casual.

My macho brain and my lizard brain were now at odds, because the lizard wanted me to look back and macho brain insisted I pretend not to be concerned in the least. In an effort to compromise, my lizard brain suggested that if Jeep Douche did come after me, I should throw the hot coffee in his face. (Good plan, brain!)

But the Jeep creep did not exit his vehicle. His light turned green and he just sat there, neither exiting nor driving. I suspect he was paralyzed between his desire to keep being a douchebag and his fear of abandoning his Jeep and his Very Important Briefcase.

It is doubtful I could have spoken any words that would have made him understand what sort of a person he is — but I did not choose to try. This was not the better path. Instead we were just two men, raging at each other, accomplishing nothing.