no.18 - Angry E.L.F.

If you do not work in fire safety and you are setting something on fire to make a point, you are, in the words of Will Ferrell, a "cotton-headed ninny-muggins."

This includes rich fat bald dudes who light their cigars with a hundred dollar bill, and it includes poor skinny kids with scruffy beards who set fire to childishly named McMansion developments.

No one is impressed.

A group calling itself the E.L.F. claims to have set fires in a place called the "Street of Dreams" in order to punish the development for its poor environmental practices.

Why both parties appear to have given themselves insipid names, I don't know. A visit to the "Street of Dreams" web site reveals their taste in web design, like their taste in names, seems to be derived from a 12-year-old girl. Meanwhile, the Earth Liberation Front's page has thousands of lines of text, some of it current, none of it formatted, but all of it preceeded by a promise of "Rock Hard Erections." If you are going to be an eco-terrorist, I guess it makes sense to have a side-line.

Among the E.L.F's stated rules are that they will "take all necessary precautions against harming any animal — human and nonhuman." This would seem to indicate they attempted (and feel they succeeded) in clearing the area of squirrels and field mice before proceeding to burn the homes down. And burning stuff? Not good for the environment. If these homes are not "ecologically sound" it's a safe bet that green smoke did not stick to the neighborhood.

For reference, burning down homes is not the way to make an environmental point. It does send a message, but it's the same message teens with self-esteem issues send when they drive around at night knocking over mailboxes.

But apparently the E.L.F's point is not to send a message, but to cause "economic harm." They are failures on this point too. Maybe they don't realize that these places are insured. And yes, the insurance companies may briefly suffer, but then they will turn around and just raise my rates, and yours. (Insurance is gambling and make no mistake, the insurance company is the House.)

All that "E.L.F." has accomplished is to provide cover for any sleezy property owner who wishes to cover up their own arsonist schemes. Not smart.

The only positive here is that the word "Elf" reminds me of Will Ferrell pouring syrup on his pasta.