no.9 - beef shovelers

143 million pounds of improperly inspected beef has been recalled across the United States and a nearly equivilent amount of bullshit will be on it's way shortly to keep you from panicking because the recall will affect beef products dating to Feb. 1, 2006.

That's right, the USDA is recalling meat you, and more probably, your school age children, have already eaten.

Workers at the Westland/Hallmark Beef company shoveled cows too sick to stand, right into the food supply. Yum! This, of course, seems impossible, but they did use forklifts when kicking and cattle prods proved ineffective.

You could ask yourself a lot of questions about who these dim-witted cow-shovelers were and what they were thinking; foremost of which is, "Were they vegetarian?"

Dr. Dick Raymond, USDA Undersecretary for Food Safety has said:

"We don't know how much product is out there right now. We don't think there is a health hazard, but we do have to take this action."

And the action they are taking? It appears to involve time traveling back to your cookout last summer and kicking over your hibachi. It sounds absurd, but surely that makes more sense than suggesting you scrape the remaining undigested beef out of your bowels and post it back to the good folks at Westland/Hallmark.

I'm curious how google's ads are going to take this? Look to the right... are they linking to Omaha steaks?