no.20 - the Worm

The worm visits every city in the world, with the possible exception of Wellington, New Zealand where the atmosphere may be too friendly and collegial to engender wormy behavior.

The main attribute of the worm is that it does not want to wait in line. These people — these worms — in order to get what they want, feign obliviousness to the rest of the population of the Earth in order to cut the line.

Sometimes they work in pairs, pretending not to notice the other six thousand people standing in the heat, waiting for entrance to the vatican city. Sometimes they work alone, sneaking into boarding Group 2 on the plane out of Newark when their ticket reads Group 8.

I've seen them dressed as Gandalf, attempting to "apparate" into the line at the release of the final Harry Potter book. I've seen them in shorts, with fat hairy legs, grabbing someone else's scuba tanks "by mistake" so they can get on the dive boat without waiting another half hour in the bare Caribbean sun. I've seen them find that little gap, over and over — the one where normal people leave space others to get by — and stand at the back of the very short line they were "lucky" enough to find at noon on a Saturday at the Louvre.

"Oof! look at dis very short line ve has found!"

The worm will not make eye contact. The worm will pretend not to notice it's "mistake". When confronted, the worm will have difficulty hearing, or seeing or understanding in the hope that they can play things out until they are inside, where the matter will be dropped.

More often than not, the worm is fat - frequently obese. No doubt line cutting is not the only place where laziness rules their day and the time they save in line is probably time spent eating.

We have all thought about being the worm. Waiting in line is not fun. But being the worm is making a choice to screw your fellow human beings because being the worm is saying your fellow human beings are less important than you — they can wait longer, and, if they don't get in to see the Taj Mahal because you took the last viable place in line... well... too bad.

The worm has no conscience because it can not. Each time my wife and I watch someone worm their way into the line ahead of us, we name it out loud: "Worm."

But the worm should know this: When you push your way past others to see the treasures of the world, you will never truly be able to appreciate them, because that would require the thoughtfulness you choose to leave at the door.